Saturday, August 28, 2010

9 Things Your Bridesmaids Want You to Know

They have been there for you and as you are planning your wedding you will likely need their help more than ever. Here's how to stay in tune with your best girlfriends and keep them happy...and you sane. The last thing any bride wants is drama with or among her best girls! ...These 9 things are from the knot and I have added ATB Tips to some for further explanantion and opinion of course ;-) ...
1. They Want You to Tell Them Your Expectations
What do you expect from your bridesmaids? Will simple moral support suffice, or do you expect them to be there with you throughout all the decision-making and to-dos, like addressing wedding invitations and tying tiny ribbons around your wedding favors? Either way, let your bridesmaids know what you expect of them so that you don't end up frustrated with a friend who doesn't understand (or didn't know) what you wanted them to do in the first place. ATB TIP: Just be courteous in HOW you are asking. I have heard horror stories of how these conversations have gone down, leaving bridesmaids with their jaws on the floor!
2. They Want You to Tell Everyone
The only thing worse than a coworker who thinks she's invited to your wedding is a friend who assumes she's going to be a bridesmaid. Let it be known whom you've chosen so neither you nor your bridesmaids feel awkward about it around nonbridal party members. If you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings, remember that, as cliche as it sounds, any true friend will understand whatever decision you ultimately make.
ATB TIP: Anyone who doesn't "make the cut" for the bridal party can have a special part in readings, helping with passing out programs, or another aspect of the ceremony. Maybe you have a friend you can sing or is good at the more crafty items you need help with. Friends like helping friends and it can create wonderful memories that will last a lifetime.
3. They Want You to Have Your Dream Wedding

Try not to make hasty assumptions. Don't write off some friends simply because you think they don't have enough money to afford that Priscilla of Boston bridesmaid dress you have your eye on. While it is important to recognize your bridesmaids' financial situations, they want you to be happy on your wedding day (just like you would of them), so don't be shy about opening up the conversation and letting them know what would make you happiest. ATB TIP: I think the key here is open conversation, and if they are your BFF's it should not be that difficult. Remember what happens when you A S S U M E. Being senitive to people and their situations can't dictate all your decisions, but be courteous adn focusing on what's important here is what is right. Would you rather have a high-fashion dress over a best friend who will never wear that dress again 
4. They Want You to Respect Their Responsibilities
As you're allocating responsibilities, be mindful of their personal lives -- your friend who's trying to make partner at her law firm or who's dealing with a new baby may not have time to assist you with every little task. At the same time, you don't want to cause discord within the wedding party if some maids feel the others aren't pulling their weight. Try to keep a good balance, and remember, there are others who can help out: You've got your parents, other family members, and your fiance. Plenty of people are willing to pitch in, so take advantage of it as you need to. ATB TIP: I have to add that they also want you to respect their financial situations. This is true when BMs are amongst themselves and deciding on showers and bach parties, etc.
5. They Want You to Dress Them Well
If you know one of them would be uncomfortable in the dresses you envision, come up with a compromise. Not sure one dress will work for all your girls? Come up with guidelines (say, a color and length you like) and then let them choose the exact style. Trust us, even with different necklines or sashes, they'll still look fantastic. Remember, you want each and every one of your maids to feel beautiful (and comfortable!), so your efforts in the dress department are well worth it. ATB TIP: YES! THis is 100% true!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. They Want You to Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Yes, part of the bridal party's job is to be your go-to gals when you need something done. But no, that doesn't mean you should be cracking the whip nonstop. Whenever you're asking one of your maids to do something -- whether it's attending your gown fitting or tying 100 miniature bows around 100 favor boxes -- stop and think: Would I do this for her? It's a good reality check to keep your requests reasonable
7. They Want You to Keep Them in the Black
They have to shell out for quite a bit over the course of the wedding: dresses, hair, shower and wedding gifts, the bachelorette party, and travel expenses. These add up and can put a pinch on even the most financially flush of maids. Take this into consideration and offer help when you can. For example, you can let them know that they shouldn't feel pressured to give you an extravagant shower gift, or if you're having more than one shower, tell them that you don't expect multiple shower gifts. You can also help them track down inexpensive flights or hotel rooms.
8. They Want You to Make Their To-Do List Manageable
Try to come up with a game plan beforehand of who you need to do what on the wedding day. Then make a second mental list of who else can and has offered to help -- aunts, cousins, ushers, and so on. When little things do come up (which they will), you'll be able to rely on that latter team to help you take care of details as needed rather than overextending your bridesmaids. ATB TIP: Hire a day-of coordinator ;-)
9. They Want You to Stay Their Friend
Obvious, right? Sometimes when you're caught up in wedding-related drama, it can be hard to remember that there's a world outside your wedding. When you meet up with one of your girls, make a point to talk about things that are not related to the wedding. Whether it's the project she's working on at work or the blind date she went on last weekend, she'll appreciate the opportunity to tell you all about it, the same way she always has. Similarly, when you're really upset -- whether about the wedding or anything else -- you'll know she'll be there for you, right now and long after the wedding is over.